BMW X3 Forum
BMW X3 Forum
Welcome to the ultimate G45 BMW X3 community.
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      08-03-2021, 02:53 PM   #1
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

Bill Burr's funniest jokes

I swear I can watch his routines over and over again and never get tired of it. Whenever you need some laughs, Burr never fails. I like this because it's like a "best of" compilation.

Jokes included in this video:
1. Kids 0:00
2. Steve Jobs 3:28
3. White Women 6:48
4. Religion 9:02
5. Male 16:27
6. No reason to hit a woman 18:15
7. Epidemic of Gold Digging Whores 24:33
8. Philly Rant 34:44



Last edited by TiMSport; 08-03-2021 at 03:20 PM..
Appreciate 4
      08-03-2021, 04:34 PM   #2
CTinline-six
Hoonigan
CTinline-six's Avatar
United_States
6943
Rep
3,017
Posts

Drives: '09 328i, '98 Wrangler
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Connecticut

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
When I had a long commute I listened to his Monday Morning Podcast religiously. I haven't been able to lately since switching jobs, but his stuff always is spot on. I love his rant about fast food chains.
__________________
"Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."

-Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Appreciate 2
TiMSport12850.00
Murf99314096.50
      08-03-2021, 04:40 PM   #3
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

He's one of the very few comedians that literally makes me almost cry from laughing so hard. Yeah, he has a ton of good material when it comes to his rants about food and overweight people.
Appreciate 1
Murf99314096.50
      08-03-2021, 08:05 PM   #4
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
3482
Rep
3,270
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Montréal

iTrader: (0)

Ya, he's the best imo and my favorite, one of the few to make me literally lol. Brian Regan has some good stuff too. "Something changed!"
__________________
The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
Appreciate 1
TiMSport12850.00
      08-03-2021, 09:36 PM   #5
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
3482
Rep
3,270
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Montréal

iTrader: (0)

Oh, in case you fans missed this one
__________________
The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 08:41 AM   #6
c1pher
Primo Generalissimo
c1pher's Avatar
United_States
5039
Rep
4,192
Posts

Drives: All of them
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: DC area

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
The problem with his and Dave Chappelle’s humor is that it’s true. Some people take it in stride and others’ heads explode over it.
Appreciate 2
Murf99314096.50
RickFLM411861.00
      10-20-2021, 09:22 AM   #7
KennyFSU
Captain
KennyFSU's Avatar
1105
Rep
736
Posts

Drives: Lexus RC F
Join Date: Nov 2019
Location: Florida

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
I liked him in Mandalorian but will have check out his comedy now.
__________________
Estoril Blue E36M3
Mineral Grey M235ix/12.02 @ 115
Ultra White Lexus RC F
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 09:30 AM   #8
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by KennyFSU View Post
I liked him in Mandalorian but will have check out his comedy now.
Are you saying you've never seen his comedy routines? If so, you absolutely need to check out his Netflix specials. He's hilarious!
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 09:33 AM   #9
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by c1pher View Post
The problem with his and Dave Chappelle’s humor is that it’s true. Some people take it in stride and others’ heads explode over it.
I recently watched Chappelle's latest special "Closer" and it was great, as usual. There's a reason he is perhaps the GOAT of comedy though that can be argued when considering all of the greats currently and from the past but I have never seen anyone like him that can deliver like a master. His technique is unmatched. As you know, he mixes in humor with honest and true stuff and shows off a great understanding of culture, often times creating drama among the woke crowd.
Appreciate 1
RickFLM411861.00
      10-20-2021, 09:42 AM   #10
OkieSnuffBox
Major
1805
Rep
1,011
Posts

Drives: '13 135i
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: OKC, OK

iTrader: (0)

6. Chris Rock did a joke in the 90s in one of his specials, how he'd never hit a woman, but he'd sure shake the shit out of one!


I didn't watch the video, because I'm a huge Bill Burr fan, watched all of his specials multiple times. One of my favorite jokes/rants is the "being a mother is the most difficult job on the planet. How the fuck would Oprah know? She isn't even a mother!"
Appreciate 2
TiMSport12850.00
essejM362.00
      10-20-2021, 12:27 PM   #11
RickFLM4
Brigadier General
RickFLM4's Avatar
United_States
11861
Rep
4,873
Posts

Drives: M4
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: PB County, FL

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by TiMSport View Post
I recently watched Chappelle's latest special "Closer" and it was great, as usual. There's a reason he is perhaps the GOAT of comedy though that can be argued when considering all of the greats currently and from the past but I have never seen anyone like him that can deliver like a master. His technique is unmatched. As you know, he mixes in humor with honest and true stuff and shows off a great understanding of culture, often times creating drama among the woke crowd.
I caught it recently too and it was great. I’d like to thank the LGBTQXYZ community for alerting me to its existence as I was not even aware it existed until the complaints circulated through the national media.
__________________
Current: 2018 SO/SS F83 ZCP
Gone: 2015 SO/SO F82
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 12:37 PM   #12
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by RickFLM4 View Post
I caught it recently too and it was great. I’d like to thank the LGBTQXYZ community for alerting me to its existence as I was not even aware it existed until the complaints circulated through the national media.
I thought it was funny, and again true based on Chappelle's own experience, he's a self-professed feminist. He had thought like most people that being a feminist meant you were a female. I found that very interesting, especially the way he presented it.
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 02:37 PM   #13
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
3482
Rep
3,270
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Montréal

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by OkieSnuffBox View Post
6. Chris Rock did a joke in the 90s in one of his specials, how he'd never hit a woman, but he'd sure shake the shit out of one!


I didn't watch the video, because I'm a huge Bill Burr fan, watched all of his specials multiple times. One of my favorite jokes/rants is the "being a mother is the most difficult job on the planet. How the fuck would Oprah know? She isn't even a mother!"
Oil-drilling in the middle of shark infested waters? Meh! Pinned down by enemy fire in a hostile foreign land? Bah! Bending down to insert that tape in the VCR player is SO HARD!!! Sending your kids to their rooms w trumped up charges. LMAO.

Any job you can do in your PJs can't be that hard haha. If ppl have to scream it and profess to ppl it is, then usually there's a good chance that it's not, since it ought to be self-evident. OT but I remember some old MTV interview on The Cardigans and the interviewer was asking them about their music and all of a sudden this band member suddenly blurts out something along the lines of "ya!!! my guitar parts are hard to play, it's complex music!!" I was like LOL, what???! Where did that come from? Ya, dude, you're up there w EVH and Satch /s Cardigans????? LMAO...I can't even....


I like that one and the 'Epidemic of Gold-digging whores'. Some epic rants by O' Billy Boy lol.
__________________
The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 02:39 PM   #14
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
3482
Rep
3,270
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Montréal

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by KennyFSU View Post
I liked him in Mandalorian but will have check out his comedy now.
This is funny, you know him as 'Bill Burr, the actor' first lol
__________________
The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 02:46 PM   #15
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

I know! Oh and don't forget his appearance in Breaking Bad. Lol.
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 02:48 PM   #16
OkieSnuffBox
Major
1805
Rep
1,011
Posts

Drives: '13 135i
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: OKC, OK

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by tranquility View Post
Oil-drilling in the middle of shark infested waters? Meh! Pinned down by enemy fire in a hostile foreign land? Bah! Bending down to insert that tape in the VCR player is SO HARD!!! Sending your kids to their rooms w trumped up charges. LMAO.

Any job you can do in your PJs can't be that hard haha. If ppl have to scream it and profess to ppl it is, then usually there's a good chance that it's not, since it ought to be self-evident. OT but I remember some old MTV interview on The Cardigans and the interviewer was asking them about their music and all of a sudden this band member suddenly blurts out something along the lines of "ya!!! my guitar parts are hard to play, it's complex music!!" I was like LOL, what???! Where did that come from? Ya, dude, you're up there w EVH and Satch /s Cardigans????? LMAO...I can't even....


I like that one and the 'Epidemic of Gold-digging whores'. Some epic rants by O' Billy Boy lol.
Hahaha yes!

"So you send the kids to bed on some trumped up charges just because you want to have a glass of wine and watch the price is right? All these women injured from bending down to put DVDs in a DVD Player."

Also the one about choking his way to the top of the fast food place.



"uh yeah, I'll have a turkey club on Rye with mayonnaise."
"The mayonnaise is over there"
"Well why don't you, uhhh, go over there and fucking get it. I'm sorry they fired the mayonnaise guy, but I'm not doing it!"
Appreciate 1
      10-20-2021, 03:21 PM   #17
KevinC
your average JAMF
KevinC's Avatar
United_States
3513
Rep
4,187
Posts

Drives: '21 M2 Comp, '19 Golf R
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Cochise County, AZ

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
__________________
'21 M2 Comp
'19 Golf R
Appreciate 1
      10-20-2021, 03:32 PM   #18
TiMSport
Banned
Ukraine
12850
Rep
2,983
Posts

Drives: '21 M340i xDrive, '17 Audi S3
Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: ATL

iTrader: (0)

Holy shit. I'm putting this here because there was an earlier reference to Dave Chappelle and his recent Netflix special. What a joke.

BTW, "Elliot Page" formerly Ellen Page is the epitome of all this nonsense. Seriously, how many have actually watched the Chappelle special being referenced? I watched and can't for the life of me understand what the f*** everybody is so wound up about. He told a genuine story about a trans friend who ironically ended herself but I don't want to give away the whole story in case some haven't seen this performance. It's absurd that this is taking place.

Fuck so-called Elliot Page and the rest of them for not even fully grasping what Chappelle was conveying.

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/...175532122.html
Appreciate 0
      10-20-2021, 04:44 PM   #19
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
3482
Rep
3,270
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Montréal

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by OkieSnuffBox View Post
Hahaha yes!

"So you send the kids to bed on some trumped up charges just because you want to have a glass of wine and watch the price is right? All these women injured from bending down to put DVDs in a DVD Player."

Also the one about choking his way to the top of the fast food place.



"uh yeah, I'll have a turkey club on Rye with mayonnaise."
"The mayonnaise is over there"
"Well why don't you, uhhh, go over there and fucking get it. I'm sorry they fired the mayonnaise guy, but I'm not doing it!"
LOL, tx for reminding me.

"Muffins" (that guy has issues man LMAO).


"'Insufficiently masculine' man"
__________________
The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation...It's bullsh*t. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal...Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:02 AM.




x3:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST