[SoYank]

Where to retire?

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...

• You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
• You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town
• You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food
• You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
• The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where...

• You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
• The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
• You know how to eat an artichoke.
• You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
• When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can live in New York City where...

• You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
• You can get into a four hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
• You think Central Park is “nature”.
• You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
• You’ve worn out a car horn.
• You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Maine where...

• You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• Halloween constumes fit over parkas.
• You have more than one recipe for moose.
• Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
• The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in Texas where...

• You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
• “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
• “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
• Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

• You carry your $3000 mountain bike atop you $500 car.
• You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
• A pass does not involve a football or dating.
• The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

• You’ve never met a celebrity but the mayor knows your name.
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
• You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
• You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
• When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different.”

And you can live in Florida where...

• You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
• All purchases include a coupon of some kine – even houses and cars.
• Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
• Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
• Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

[BMW F22]

I cant speak for all of the states listed but some of them are so true, especially the CA one.

[Neurorad]

You can live in Maryland where...

• You pay 3 tolls to get to work.
• You can drive for 1 mile in any direction and pass through 3 towns.
• You have over 100 recipes for crab cakes, but all the crab you can buy is from South America.
• The most upscale neighborhoods are bordered by warzones.
• You ask someone where they went to school, they tell you which prep school.

[gonzo]

New Mexico, from what I have read, is becoming a new hot spot. My folks just nabbed a place there. My uncle is well off let's say. He has been in real estate his entire business life. He is buying massive amounts of land.
I have friends in Santa Fe and it's OK....
And middle names for guys here is not Bob. It is Ray...like mine.
Stevie Ray Vaughn may be our only cool Ray though.

[ianbiz]

florida is mostly true.

[E90330iS]

haha i love those things!