[Our03z4]

My 18yr old nephew is in rough shape. Found out from my mother that his power has been cut and is very close to losing his apartment. His parents have basically never given him a leg up in life or even offered emotional support. However they did pay for legal fees regarding the next paragraph.

He had a small business that was doing well but he got caught up in a receiving of stolen property charge (he had no clue the item was and had proof) which was ultimately dropped but not after being unable to work for 2 weeks, losing his customers not to mention being out the money for the vehicle he had (unknowingly illegally) bought. This has caused his financial issues he hasn't been able to recover from.

I've already loaned him more money than I can expect to recover for some time so I don't think it's a wise move to provide that. My parents would like for him to move in with them and we'll all try to get him back on the right track.

I'm always of the belief that you never go back on your word, contracts or owing someone something. But in his current position you sometimes have to wave the white flag and move on. Realistically, what are going to be his consequences for breaking the lease, back utilities and such? We want him to be able to bounce back as quickly as possible.

Thanks for any advice!

[2000cs]

Does he have a plan (realistic) to get back on his feet financially or otherwise? If not, there is nothing to be done except help him create a plan if he is willing.

If he does have a good plan, he might talk to his landlord, explain the situation (maybe leave out the legal stuff) and the plan, and ask for some forgiveness or deferral. Utilities often work with people too, and there is help for electric and nat gas if you look/ask.

Consequences of breaking lease and walking from utilities (and other obligations) are (1) impact on credit which will impact future for a time, and (2) he will always know he did that unless he eventually repays it (I know that’s old school thinking. Instead, screw the man!). Consequences will be better if he talks to them and tries to negotiate a better outcome. Then live up to it.

[tturedraider]

I agree with talking with the landlord. However, I disagree with continuing to let it bother him in the future if the best course of action is to break the lease. However, from a practical standpoint it is true breaking the lease will create problems with getting a new lease for quite some time into the future. I’m not sure about the length of time, but bankruptcy stays with you for seven years and I think that may be true for broken leases, too. I think the idea of moving in with your parents is a good one. It sounds like you and them are a pretty good support system for him.

It sounds like he’s fairly entrepreneurial, so this option might or might not appeal to him. I struggled with what I wanted to do in college, but I really wanted to do it. After a number of years of off and on and too much off and not enough on I joined the Army. It was the best decision I have made in my life and I’m still reaping benefits from it today. I chose an MOS that had the Army College Fund. I served four years, got out and returned to school and graduated in two years with a 3.6+ GPA. The post 9/11 college benefits are pretty astounding these days.

One of my Army buddies who was definitely not college material at the time joined right out of high school and did three years with the College Fund. Got out and got his bachelor’s degree and became a police officer. He retired after twenty years and is now a police officer with a university police department.

There really isn’t anything in the civilian world that compares to the camaraderie and sense of community that exists in the military world. I still miss that.

[Our03z4]

Originally Posted by tturedraider

I agree with talking with the landlord. However, I disagree with continuing to let it bother him in the future if the best course of action is to break the lease. However, from a practical standpoint it is true breaking the lease will create problems with getting a new lease for quite some time into the future. I’m not sure about the length of time, but bankruptcy stays with you for seven years and I think that may be true for broken leases, too. I think the idea of moving in with your parents is a good one. It sounds like you and them are a pretty good support system for him.

It sounds like he’s fairly entrepreneurial, so this option might or might not appeal to him. I struggled with what I wanted to do in college, but I really wanted to do it. After a number of years of off and on and too much off and not enough on I joined the Army. It was the best decision I have made in my life and I’m still reaping benefits from it today. I chose an MOS that had the Army College Fund. I served four years, got out and returned to school and graduated in two years with a 3.6+ GPA. The post 9/11 college benefits are pretty astounding these days.

One of my Army buddies who was definitely not college material at the time joined right out of high school and did three years with the College Fund. Got out and got his bachelor’s degree and became a police officer. He retired after twenty years and is now a police officer with a university police department.

There really isn’t anything in the civilian world that compares to the camaraderie and sense of community that exists in the military world. I still miss that.

Thank you for your post and for your service! The military was a thought we had as well. He is extremely physically fit and is a hunter with good marksmanship skills. Now for the issue with this idea, he didn't graduate highschool. Is there a way around this? I do think he would do well joining but at the same time I don't want to recommend that due to if something happened to him I wouldn't forgive myself.

My parents and I tried and tried to get him to finish but his parents didn't push him at all. I don't like throwing my brother under the bus but they truly failed this kid. After they got divorced they just tossed him around and didn't care what he did, he was on his own at 17. I don't feel like it's my place to parent him but I also don't want him to fail. My wife feels so bad for the guy she broke down in tears today. He's such a good kid it eats us up what's going on.

[tturedraider]

Originally Posted by Our03z4

Thank you for your post and for your service! The military was a thought we had as well. He is extremely physically fit and is a hunter with good marksmanship skills. Now for the issue with this idea, he didn't graduate highschool. Is there a way around this? I do think he would do well joining but at the same time I don't want to recommend that due to if something happened to him I wouldn't forgive myself.

My parents and I tried and tried to get him to finish but his parents didn't push him at all. I don't like throwing my brother under the bus but they truly failed this kid. After they got divorced they just tossed him around and didn't care what he did, he was on his own at 17. I don't feel like it's my place to parent him but I also don't want him to fail. My wife feels so bad for the guy she broke down in tears today. He's such a good kid it eats us up what's going on.

Let me do a little research and confirm this, but I’m pretty sure with the difficulties the military, the Army in particular, is experiencing recruiting people who can meet the physical requirements these days they have relaxed high school graduation requirements.

edit: They did very briefly. For about a week in 2022, but they got an overwhelming pushback and they rescinded the decision. At least a GED is now required. https://www.goarmy.com/how-to-join/requirements.html

I’m pretty sure the Army still has the best college benefit programs, but I think in general the post 9/11 GI Bill benefits are pretty amazing with all of the services. The reason I mention that is the Air Force is by far the “safest” service and I think these days they probably have the most jobs that can translate into civilian careers. Of course, pretty much all the services have great computer job training. The Air Force also has by far the highest quality of life for its service members.
https://www.airforce.com/how-to-join/join-the-air-force

I had two temporary duty assignments on an Air Force Base while I was in the Army. They live on a totally different level than the other services. We used to say the Air Force spends their money on their people and then they go back and say we need more money for weapon systems and you never get turned down for money to buy weapons. The Army spends all their money on weapons and then they say we need more money for our people and they get told “sorry, there’s no more money for that.”

[RickFLM4]

He should move in with your parents if they offered and can deal with him living there longer than short-term, as breaking the lease isn’t his only issue. He should find a job paying whatever he can make and pay them rent. Encourage him to get his GED and develop a realistic plan. The GED will at least give him options he doesn’t have now. He will have a hard time getting a new lease with corporate-owned apartments, but down the road might be able to find a private party to lease to him, or a situation where someone has a lease and needs a roommate. Realistically, what other options does he have if he can’t pay rent or utilities? Sounds like was already in a precarious position before this issue came up.

If you give him more money think of it as a gift. Good luck to him.

[floridaorange]

How disciplined and how motivated is he?
What kind of work was he doing?
How intelligent/successful are those in his sphere of influence?

Military can provide a lot of that^ if the parents were not able to.

In the meantime, he needs to get any decent job period asap.

[Our03z4]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

How disciplined and how motivated is he?
What kind of work was he doing?
How intelligent/successful are those in his sphere of influence?

Military can provide a lot of that^ if the parents were not able to.

In the meantime, he needs to get any decent job period asap.

Parents are both well educated with college degrees, his mother's is in psychology of all things and his father's is in business and English. Wife and myself own two small businesses. My father's degree is in mathematics. His friends have pretty much all moved away and myself and his family (that care) are 2 hrs away.

He lacks discipline for sure, I would say he's at a normal level for his age though. I have an issue judging things like this, I was already running my business, owned a house and was married at his age. I have to be careful because I know I'm not the norm so I don't want to be too hard on him. I feel I was too mature when I look back but at the same time I wouldn't have changed much. That said I've had my fair share of major screw ups and failures in both business and life and want to help keep him out of those paths. He'll honestly listen to advice but beyond listening, that is an issue...but who didn't do the same at that age.

His business was in landscaping, a good path for him if things wouldn't have fallen apart.

[tturedraider]

The Army has literally hundreds of jobs. I’m sure the Air Force is somewhat similar. I don’t know why, but when you mentioned landscaping this one, that is not landscaping, popped in my mind. I guess because of the hands-on aspect. I think the military contracts out landscaping types of jobs.

Veterinary care. Does he like animals? - https://www.goarmy.com/careers-and-j...pecialist.html

I was an electronic warfare/signals intelligence analyst, which was a pretty interesting and kind of “high speed, low drag” job, but honestly it didn’t translate real well to the civilian world outside of working for a government agency. I think these days it would have more commercial type applications.

[nerdogray]

Another recommendation for military. My nephew took a very similar track. I have to admire his tenacity, though. He lived homeless for quite a while, sleeping in Walmart parking lots in his car and whatnot. He went from job to job, never seeming able to settle. He was able to get an apartment again after a while (he was all over the place), and when I went to visit him, he was smoking bong after bong. It was so much it got annoying, but I never said anything. I gave him $300 to help him out, knowing I'd never get it back. Good person, was just kind of lost at the time. However, he ended up joining the Navy 4-5 years ago, and he is doing fantastically. It really suited him. He was in some deep-immersion program learning Korean and is now stationed in SK doing very well. I'm pretty proud of him, and he's certainly put himself on track to achieve far more than I ever did.

[tturedraider]

Originally Posted by nerdogray

Another recommendation for military. My nephew took a very similar track. I have to admire his tenacity, though. He lived homeless for quite a while, sleeping in Walmart parking lots in his car and whatnot. He went from job to job, never seeming able to settle. He was able to get an apartment again after a while (he was all over the place), and when I went to visit him, he was smoking bong after bong. It was so much it got annoying, but I never said anything. I gave him $300 to help him out, knowing I'd never get it back. Good person, was just kind of lost at the time. However, he ended up joining the Navy 4-5 years ago, and he is doing fantastically. It really suited him. He was in some deep-immersion program learning Korean and is now stationed in SK doing very well. I'm pretty proud of him, and he's certainly put himself on track to achieve far more than I ever did.

How cool!! I was in the Korean program at the Presidio of Monterey training to be a linguist, but it absolutely ate my lunch and I ended up becoming an analyst instead, which I was infinitely better suited to. Since I started out on the Korean linguist track I was already slated to be stationed in South Korea. I worked directly with Korean linguists analyzing the intelligence they collected. Ask him if he’s attached to the Army’s 3rd MI Battalion. We had Navy linguists attached to our unit who worked alongside our Army linguists. The Navy guys got substandard housing pay for living in Army barracks.