[Banana Hammock]

My god the top of page 302 had me swooning.

[F87LUV]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
These hoes have STDs,
And now so do you.

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by F87LUV

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
These hoes have STDs,
And now so do you.

Ahhhhh. Destined to be a classic!!

[BwoodBMW]

Originally Posted by EALm4

Whatttt upppppp I've been MIA for a bit but good reason.

holy shit what a weekend. tl;dr for sure but whatever.

Here's my AAR (after action report) from Friday and Sat night.

Friday - A pretty calm night. Had a bro come in town for the weekend. We were both able to match up with some females and we all met up for drinks and burgers. One thing led to another and the girl I was with asked what we are doing the rest of the night.... I was like well... I was hoping to take you back to my place and trick you into having some really rough sex. haha she laughed and said the night was still early. So she suggests that all 4 of us go to a strip club. I was like WTF hell yessssss. End up going to this strip club out in the cut. Throw some cash around and got a double lapper from some ebony stripper and the tinder date. lol Left and my boy went back to his dates place and ol girl came back with me. We end up smoking a cigar on my balcony then did the nasty on my couch. lol

Sat night - God damn... so sat morning ol girl left and around 11am my friend finally makes his way back here. Smells like shit and looks like he didnt get any sleep. I ask him if he got it wet and he said "NOPE... she threw up on me..." hahaha

Anyways, we recover go get some chiptole and nap till time to go out again. Head over to this Irish bar next to my place and I end up meeting this new girl... cute blonde that came in from playing vollyball out in Fed Hill. So 3 of us get to chatting and she lives basically next building over from me. Scored a number and set a date up for Monday night.

Moved on to bar #2 chatted up this emo bartender who looks like harley quinn. Scored her # but havent done anything with it. She's a total emo hipster chick but pretty cute. I'd bang but it'd be ultra short term one and done thing.

Moved to bar #3 - this is where it starts to get good. LOL The booze was flowing and we went to the back of this bar where lord and behold two open seats next to these 2 hispanic girls. So we made a B line straight for that shit and sat down and chatted them up. The girl I was working on starts talking all this serious shit about how her GF stood them up for a girls night out. Whatever and that she was fucking this guy who had a GF. lol We get to talking and she's like "I'm from Delaware..blah blah blah" I make some generic comment "Oh you're one of those Delaware girls (whatever the fuck that means)..." and she was like "What does that mean??!! I'm a nice girl" well anyways I played it off like she's one of those naughty pretentious ones. She was into it and said some shit like "I can be" whatever. She was like come outside with me so I can smoke... Whatever went out side with her and she was said she doesnt smoke and fucking came at me like a rabid wolf. Next thing I know we're making out.. got my hand up her skirt. She takes me to some fucking SHITTY side ally and drops them and I get some ass right behind this dumpster/grease trap in a nasty Baltimore alley.

We wrap up and I'm like holy shit that's never happened before. I'm actually surprised it went down and I'm almost certain it wasnt my best performance given the situation and amount of alcohol that I have drank but she seemed pleased. So we head back into the bar and I'm like I need to use the bathroom. I came back out and felt like I was in the wrong bar and completely lost. I spent what felt like forever looking for my friend and the girls. I finally found my buddy and was like where did the girls go??! He said "I dunno man I was BOMO.." wtf is BOMO? And he said Black Out Make OUt lol so we spent a bit looking for them and the girls were gone So I said fuck it lets roll to my favorite bar.

Bar #4 We got some heavy sea's IPA and stood around talking and I'm trying to make sure my friend doesnt throw up on himself. But he's looking good and keeping it together. I at one point I actually thought he was sober. A couple left and we managed to squeeze into two seats at the bar. So a little bit later I'm looking across the room just to scope it out... not really looking for anything.... looked down and I have some fucking nasty ass crust around my zipper. Was it dried up load????? Fuck I dont know but I semi panicked. My buddy is fucking dying laughing... and I'm here like "Should I fucking purposely spill something on myself to mask it or just play it off like nothing happened " Well anyways I decided to play it off like nothing happened.

THEN out of no where I felt a hard tap on the shoulder. I looked back and there is this tall sexy brunette smiling behind me... I'm still fucking panicking a bit and with mixed emotions I managed to squeek out a "Hiiiiiiiii" and a fucked up forced smile.

She was like "I have a question for you... is this you??" in my head I'm thinking FUCKKKKKKKKKK did this bitch get a pic of me with my pants down in the alley?? FUCKKKK. She holds up her phone and on display was my Bumble profile.... I managed to pull myself together and say yes and she smiles back. I said something around the lines of "I hope you swiped right " she laughed and said yes. We talk about some of our experiences/dates on bumble and tinder and she buys me a shot of fireball.

It's about 1am and she said she has to go home and it was nice meeting. At this point all restraint and inhibitions are out the window. She walks off and pretty much gets to the door and I'm like fuck it. Hopped out of my chair and chased her down. Managed to grab her hand and pull her around and said (probably with drunk slurred speech) "Heyy it was really nice meeting you but I'd rather not have this night end just yet. " she laughed and said she was waiting for me to make a move but didnt think I would. So I said some dumb sarcastic shit like... "Well we can take it back to my place...sober up..and eat Ben and Jerry's while watching mythbusters..." lol

So she comes back and rode me fucking good for what seemed like hours. An absolute animal in bed and we had a good time. Was awesome. She stayed until around brunch and took an Uber home. We also have something set up for tuesday. she was cool af.

So you might be wondering where was my buddy... well he ended up chatting it up with some other girl. End up fooling around around with her in her car parked then going to hunt Pokemon in the area at roughly 2am. lol I guess he had a good night. But some how he ended up getting really sick the next morning and blew up my guest bathroom.


Current situation: full recovery mode. possibly need to go get tested for a STD. Not sure if I pulled out. ordered some Jimmy John's to get delivered. Dizzy af and watching Back to the Future II

Havent had a weekend like this in probably years but god damn it was fun.

/end report

The dumpster scene didn't end with a football player apprehending you did it?
http://miami.cbslocal.com/2016/07/22...e-rape-victim/

[1LRM3]

Originally Posted by BwoodBMW

Guys chill out with the poetry. It's raising the collective IQ of this thread too quickly and I'm worried that unfamiliar readers may come to the thread and expect this level of intelligence on a go forward basis.


That said, impressive work.

not into poetry bro.... simply thought it was haha funny

those who enter this realm must be prepared

[1MOREMOD]

So who's car is broken and did I win a dollar?

[Axius]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

So who's car is broken and did I win a dollar?

Yes and yes.

[1MOREMOD]

Great when is it coming

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Great when is it coming

Don't spend it all in one place, you hear

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Great when is it coming

LONG before you are ready, I'm sure

[08njSTEP]

There was a dude in Baltimore
He met a chick, not a whore
She went for a smoke
Instead got a poke
And he was seen never more

[Axius]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Great when is it coming

I'll put it in the mail when I send you the three musketeers gift next week.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by 08njSTEP

There was a dude in Baltimore
He met a chick, not a whore
She went for a smoke
Instead got a poke
And he was seen never more

Also, ewwww. And true.

[Axius]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

Also, ewwww. And true.

Its not entirely accurate, I tried to get her to smoke but she wouldn't cave.


#square

[EALm4]

Originally Posted by 08njSTEP

There was a dude in Baltimore
He met a chick, not a whore
She went for a smoke
Instead got a poke
And he was seen never more

[smoosh]

Aatish

Patiently waiting for an update buddy.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Aatish

Patiently waiting for an update buddy.

No news is good news?

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by shoei

No news is good news?

Unless poor guy got rejected and is too busy sitting in a corner crying hahahaha

P.S. in advance of your reply to this comment, shoei , fuk you

[shoei]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Unless poor guy got rejected and is too busy sitting in a corner crying hahahaha

P.S. in advance of your reply to this comment, shoei , fuk you

Well... Bwah hahahaha !!!

With great power comes great responsibility? You can talk him away from the bucket of Haagen Dazs and watching the Notebook on repeat?

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by shoei

Well... Bwah hahahaha !!!

With great power comes great responsibility? You can talk him away from the bucket of Haagen Dazs and watching the Notebook on repeat?

shoei Just call me the smooshologist...

Shoei,
Likes to screwey,
Smoother than a buoy,
Eats vagina, chewey,
And cum, gooey

[1MOREMOD]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

LONG before you are ready, I'm sure

No I'm old sometimes I have to spit on her back and pretend

[shoei]

Originally Posted by smoosh

shoei Just call me the smooshologist...

Shoei,
Likes to screwey,
Smoother than a buoy,
Eats vagina, chewey,
And cum, gooey

If you practice law like you rap / write poetry, your clients are fucked, FYI...