[sirdaft1]

I'll kick this off (with a very tame, albeit embarrassing story that friends and fam still give me a hard time about)...

A few years ago on some random day in the middle of the week, I was at the grocery store ordering sliced deli turkey meat from a busy deli counter. When it was my turn I asked the woman behind the counter for a pound of turkey that was sliced extra thin. She walked away to grab the turkey, and being late in the day after a long day of work, I just kind of zoned out. Next thing I knew, I looked up to realize that the woman behind the counter was trying to ask me something that I had complete missed it.

"I'm sorry, come again??" I said to her.

Holding up a big slice of turkey right in front of my face she asked "How's this??"

Without a moments pause, I instinctively ripped the slice of turkey out of her hand and jammed it straight into my mouth thinking that she was offering me a sample to taste.

"It's good!" I said... Only to look up and see a look of horror on the woman's face and the faces of those around me. And that's when it clicked that she was asking me if the way she sliced the turkey was good... not whether I approved of the taste of the turkey.

I was a bit too embarrassed to even acknowledge what had just taken place in front of all of these people, so I just awkwardly repeated myself "yup, it's good. I'll do 1lb of that", then took my actual turkey and quickly walked away from the deli counter.

Moral of story: I now pay attention to the woman behind the deli counter.

[1MOREMOD]

Come on take a dump in a crowded hot tub or something.

[BMW F22]

THAT was your most embarrassing story?!

[Flying Ace]

No dump, no sex, nothing shoved up or coming out of a hole? Not embarrassing.

[sirdaft1]

Ha! Man, apparently I need to hear some of your guys embarrassing stories! I do have one that involved a midget, three AA batteries, a can of WD40, and a midnight visit from a State Trooper. Errr... This might be the wrong thread...

[Kong Sheng Han]

All of my off track moments. Luckily only the corner worker saw my 360° spin, but pretty much everyone in this run group drove past me..

Skip to 2:12

I hate going back and watching that vid, such noob spin recovery actions.

I also drove straight off the track accidentally, while giving a point by in the most advanced group later that day..with an instructor in the car who I asked to give me pointers. Got stuck in the mud and had to sit there for the rest of the session...

[Nkc]

Your story is a big embarrassment.

[CANGRKE70]

Ok I'll go...

When I was about 20-21, some friends and I crossed the boarder and went to a Walmart in the arm pit of Murica (Buffalo) and after consuming some questionable BBQ, I had to run, not walk, but run to the washroom...just my luck that both stalls were full and there was a person taking a piss at the urinal. At that point there was no holding it in, so I hoped up and took a scattered flurries right into the sink. Needless to say the guy taking a piss, was all "God damn boy, what you eat?" I wiped, washed the sink (I am a polite Canadian) and went on my way. Pretty embarrassing walk out...

[Axius]

A couple years ago I trusted a fart while I was riding the motorcycle. I still had about an hour ride home and all I could feel was this bulge between my asscheeks. I was determined to get home, so I just kept going.

When I got home I hopped off the bike and looked in my under trunks. Apparently it was a fart bubble stuck between my asscheeks for an hour.

[1MOREMOD]

Don't lie you shit

[kprocivic]

Okay fine. I was at state prelim track meet and i shit myself literally during my race. One of the only races i lost. I had to dump my underwear and go commando after. No one knew until we got back to school. My friends called me shitty shitty bang bang after that.

[EALm4]

I'm pretty sure I posted this in another thread.

but the tl;dr version:
I took a sloppy dump and didnt wipe good. Hooked up with a girl and she rode me on her WHITE comforter at the end of the bed. Switched up to go under the covers and looked back to see huge poo skid mark. In the morning flipped said comforter over so she wouldnt notice.

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by EALm4

I'm pretty sure I posted this in another thread.

but the tl;dr version:
I took a sloppy dump and didnt wipe good. Hooked up with a girl and she rode me on her WHITE comforter at the end of the bed. Switched up to go under the covers and looked back to see huge poo skid mark. In the morning flipped said comforter over so she wouldnt notice.

You mean skid marks ?

[OutlawX3M]

So some years ago, I take my son and daughter who were 6 and 5 at the time to Target to do some shopping. I have my daughter in the cart seat and my son is tagging along next to the cart. Out of one of the aisles comes this "large" woman cutting right across our aisle nearly crashing into my cart. Large = 250 lbs, 5' 7".

Son: "Dad! That woman is FAT!"

I thought I was a dead man so I just kept walking . . .

[EALm4]

Originally Posted by ///M Power-Belgium

You mean skid marks ?

Possibly multiple but they were all rubbed together to just form one wide one

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by EALm4

Possibly multiple but they were all rubbed together to just form one wide one

Your situation sounds huge !

[Lups]

Op check out the ask a girl anything thread. I've shared mine there.

For the first something pages, I laughed with tears in my eyes for all the stupidity I have managed to live through.

For the more recent ones, I do admit a few nights ago I got very, very drunk.

My old friend and his not so bright bride decided they'd have joined party before the real bachelor party and the wedding. I had never even met the chick but my legend had been passed on to her and I haven't been around in three years so she really had no idea what I'm like.

In to the party. Fun for ten minutes. 6-10 younger girls looking at me funnily.

Two hours and I was still sober since I was driving, I booked a hotel room for me. And got a bottle of whiskey. For me.

The bride was not happy to have me around, and sadly she apparently felt like she should outbitch me. She also felt like she was close to an other female there, which knew me better, she is the future ex wife of one of my best friends.

I was not (this time) actually starting the trouble but the future ex wife of my friend decided to show up and schew me a new one. I'm not even sure why, hell I was there when they met 14 years ago.

But anyway, she went on and on and on, and then she asked me where her husband is. I told her I'm not sure, I left him at the smoking place after I blew him.

That's me running my mouth, I had been at that table all night and her ex hadn't shown up. Now the next morning...


"hungover?"
"dying."
"what went wrong?"
"nothing. I just decided that saliva wasn't good enough and I told the bitch my friend married that I gave her ex husband a bj. Then I started to drink for real"
"what? You drove home drunk? What the fuck?"
"no, the car is in the city, and I got a hotel room there too, I just wanted to come home"
"you're so fucking pathetic. Wait, is this the same friend's wife you told I gave him a bj at the last party?"
"I'm already dying."

[Nkc]

Originally Posted by Axius

A couple years ago I trusted a fart while I was riding the motorcycle. I still had about an hour ride home and all I could feel was this bulge between my asscheeks. I was determined to get home, so I just kept going.

When I got home I hopped off the bike and looked in my under trunks. Apparently it was a fart bubble stuck between my asscheeks for an hour.

In the spirit of over achieving fart stories, I'll give mine a go.

Girl came over a while back and we were watching a movie on the sofa. I decided to impress her with the rip of the century and put my legs up in a child birthing position on the couch. I ripped as hard as I could and next thing you know, the over achieving fart became a shart.

I guess she was impressed since she does my laundry full time now. For all you single fucks out there, try shitting your pants and getting her to marry you. Worked for me.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by Nkc

In the spirit of over achieving fart stories, I'll give mine a go.

Girl came over a while back and we were watching a movie on the sofa. I decided to impress her with the rip of the century and put my legs up in a child birthing position on the couch. I ripped as hard as I could and next thing you know, the over achieving fart became a shart.

I guess she was impressed since she does my laundry full time now. For all you single fucks out there, try shitting your pants and getting her to marry you. Worked for me.

I asked once why mine married me and well...

" You are a walking dictionary and you do and can do just about anything seen as manly and then you do the female shit too."

I think you won this romance faceoff.

[Axius]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Don't lie you shit

I don't lie!

Okay fine, the only thing I lied about was that it actually happened last week on my way home from my pool league. Are you happy now?

[1MOREMOD]

Not really

[KingOfJericho]

I was on the train home from work and I had noticed when I sat down that there was a Bloomingdales "big brown bag" on the luggage rack above me. I was sitting in the aisle seat and fell asleep. I was awakened by the feeling of something hitting my shoulders and when I opened my eyes it was pitch black and I was in some type of sack. Thinking shit was going down and I was being kidnapped - I started thrashing and swinging my fists. I went 100% Jason Bourne. I got it off me and when I looked on the ground I saw that same big brown bag now crumpled up on the floor... it was empty and just fell off the rack onto me. I'm positive the entire train saw this go down but I just went back to sleep and pretended it never happened.