[youtkiddin]

i would like to here from the 15 to 25 age group on this subject. if your dad was strick on you when growing up, and disciplined you for your wrong actions do you now dislike him or still have a good relationship. let me explain whats going on. until the age of 11-12 we were inseperable. great times, then once more freedom to go and do was allowed he began to rebell. mad when giving a time to be home not wanting to try in school . started hanging with others i did not approve of. as he was rebelling i was discipling. more choirs, cell phone taken,no leaving house,no video games . you get the picture. none of these seemed to work, he didnt care. he was getting referral after referral at school. tardy and failing his classes. the real trouble started when he got his 1st girlfriend. we had a rule he was not to go to her house unless there was one of her parents there. well the day we had the blowup he had ask his mother if she would take him to her house and that her mom was there. after dropping him off my wife passes her mom in town and returns to bring him home. half way home he jumps out of car and runs. she cant find him. i go find him and bring him home. once home and we are discussing his actions he goes out the door saying he is going back. he walks 6 miles to her house. every time i get close he runs. fed up with him and his attitude and actions for the last year i decided i could do nothing with him. i called sherrifs dept and they picked him up. now they hand cuffed him and took him to county. no charges were filed and deputy spoke with me and we agreed that scare tactic was best and left him there about 2 hrs. two weeks later he done same thing.but i told him if he left out of sub division i would have him picked up. he left and was picked up again and just brought home. so from time to time when trying to get him to listen he gets angry and wants to fight me. we have now had physical contact probably 3 times. once when telling him to get up and go to school. he has many times said what kind of dad calls the police on his son. i explain to him if he was to follow the rules none of this would even be happening. but he just dont get it. now his mother took him out of school . he was failing so bad and not even trying. she feels a ged is his only hope. i know this is long im sorry. any way dec 6 09 my wife called him home to help take down christmas tree. he kept refusing to come home. finally he comes home irrate. cussing at her and saying its his friends birthday and he will do it next day. she says no i want it done today and he actually starts to jump on her. i was laying down,i work third. by this time im in living room and pull him off her and now he starts swinging at me and we end up on couch. im holding him down and he is acting like a ufc fighter. head butting me and hitting me in the head with his fist. now he is 16 will be 17 in feb. he is 6'0 and strong as hell. i would not tell him this but im worn out after dealing with him. im 43 yrs old and 5'5. any way i let him up and he leaves house and calls 911. tells them his dad just jumped on him. ends up after their visit and investigation of the events they arrest him for simple battery and now we have to go to court. our relationship is non existent. he ignores me when i come home, dont say a word to me, i have to just keep saying hello son how was ur day. the thing is he dont want to acknowledge that he has done anything wrong, wants to do what he wants. has no desire to work or try to get ged. but honestly all i want is for him to listen and for us to get back to having a relationship. well now that i probablly have the record for longest post on e90, you guys that acted like this with your parents, if any of you did. do you resent them for trying to prepare you for the real world. was i wrong for calling the sherrifs dept. i just want my son back.

[OEMconcept]

I was never like this or even close to this with my parents, but this is my advice to you.

He'll only change when he's ready to change. His head isn't there right now. The more you try to change him, the more he's gonna get irritated and rebel. Influence is a big factor in a young persons life, and by over sheltering him when he was younger, it caused him to be easier influenced by others when her grew up. You could try support groups, but many times at that age, it doesn't help the cause. As hard as it may be, you might just have to wait it out until he realizes what he's done.

[BOOST3D]

im 20 now but when i was 14-16 and got my first girlfriend i was an idiot, i would get mad when he would tell me to come home, i got into the smoking weed like 3 -4 times a day,i got into random fights, my dad would kick my ass when i did something really bad one time i had a fight with my dad he took my cell phone and everything i had and would not let me leave the house but also talked to me about everything and explained now i understand why he did this, and he never let me down in front of other people he even lied to the cops that cought me ditching school so they let me go so he always had my back ... after that we were cool and we still are. it was my friends and girlfriend that kinda pushed me to act like that thats what it is if u take him away from them for a month and him have no contact with them he will think and thats when u have to show him that u are his best friend by going places and doing things together

the calling the cops was the worst thing u did he probably feels betraed by his dad and thats his friends are telling him that too

[Small Yellow]

In a way I relate. I used to get pissed off at my parents so much that I would run away but year after year I gradually learned to respect them. I would say it just takes time. I dont really know how to explain the change it but I guess everyone matures differently.

[chungdae]

I sincerely doubt talking about this on a forum is best. I would suggest going to a counselor and ask them for advice.

[ideliver]

Paragraphs, spell check and punctuation are your friend.

[BigDog]

youtkiddin... i would say you are not being too strict...


my mom and dad were very strict with me growing up.... there were rules and they had to be followed else consequences.... and i got disciplined ALOT.... being from an indian household.... physical punishment is the norm.... you screw up, you get spanked....


with that being said.... i can't tahnk them enough for raising me the way they did, always giving me the time and attention needed even when i misbehaved.... honestly without them i wouldn't have achieved what i have now, and i'm quite proud to say that not only are they great parents, but my best friends...


don't think you're being too strict at all

[jibaholic101]

Originally Posted by chungdae

I sincerely doubt talking about this on a forum is best. I would suggest going to a counselor and ask them for advice.

+1


i NEVER acted like this!

your son is sneaking out of the house, disrespecting you, and where i would draw the line is failing out of school.

if he is almost 17, what i would do if i was a parent would be to emancipate the kid and let him live his life on his own or send him to a military academy. somehow, he needs to get a big wake-up call and if basic parenting isnt doing the job and he is still bullying you guys, you need to step up

[iBoost]

Originally Posted by jibaholic101

+1


i NEVER acted like this!

your son is sneaking out of the house, disrespecting you, and where i would draw the line is failing out of school.

if he is almost 17, what i would do if i was a parent would be to emancipate the kid and let him live his life on his own or send him to a military academy. somehow, he needs to get a big wake-up call and if basic parenting isnt doing the job and he is still bullying you guys, you need to step up

THIS
so sad to hear this.
you need professional help NOW! if action is not taken it can only get worse.

i wish you the best in life. hopefully you and your son can be re-united. also, like the rest said, don't feel like you failed, or that you were too strick etc. you were not. you tried your best. unfortunately with this kind of situation you'll need help. good luck.

[MontegoGoGoGo]

My wife's nephew is acting this way, although definitely not as bad.
But he's using drugs, staying out late and doing poorly in school.

His father is a really "by the book" lawyer, the most even-tempered guy I've ever met, and he still loses it with this kid.

His parents have taken him to a therapist, have met with the school, tried everything, I just don't think there's an answer.

Maybe you can try to find the root of what's making him so angry?

I feel sorry for you and wish you the best of luck.

When my wife's sister calls me and asks me for advice, I have no idea what to say to her. What DO you say? How do you MAKE a kid behave?

I know nothing about your situation, but in my nephew's case, I think his mother tried too much to be his friend, and in doing so, lost a lot of respect from him. She also lost any FEAR he might have. I don't think fear is a bad way of controlling your kids. I mean not a fear that you're going to beat them or anything, but a fear of getting in trouble, having things taken away, missing big parties/events etc. And knowing you're SERIOUS about it, and that you will do it.

Most of the time, if a kid is at a party and everyone is drinking, they're not going to say to themselves, "Gosh, I really want to drink, but it's not the right thing to do. I am too young and need to wait."

They're more likely to think something like, "Fuck, I wanna drink but my mom is going to be waiting up for me and I don't want my graduation party to be canceled."

GOOD LUCK!

[Blake]

a little boot camp is needed

[BMW F22]

You need to send him to a third world country for him to appreciate shit. I think that kids nowadays take too many things for granted. I also have no idea where they got the idea to rebel and stuff from but it's getting ridiculous. I mean you have 15 year old kids drinking, doing drugs, raping others, etc. WTF has this world come to?!?

Perhaps we need to pass a law where parents can reprimand their kids. Hell growing up I was never a little punk to my parents. I feared them but at the same time respected and loved them. Even now, as a grown man, I'm still the same. But enough with my ranting, here's what I would do:

Talk to your kid. It seems obvious but most people never thought about doing so. All they do is yell, command, or simply ignore things. Perhaps there are things that are bothering him yet he feels like he can't go to his parents about them in fear of being grounded, yelled at, etc. Thus he turns to his friends who seem to understand what he's going through. I would start out by asking him (not telling him) if he would be willing to sit down and talk (at his own convenience and for however long he feels comfortable with). Reiterate that you feel like you're losing him and you don't want that. Perhaps tell him that everything you guys will talk about that day will be "off the record".

I would also just try to provide a warm environment for him to come home to. Maybe he's acting up in school because he has issues to deal with. The last thing you want to do is create a hostile environment which would just push him further away. It will take him but just gently explain to him the things that are wrong while not blaming them on him.

Just my $.02. Gluck and hope you get things sorted out soon.

[ejazbmw]

i was never as bad as your son but i had disagreements with my parents and my dad would just slap me and i got the point lol now that I'm 21 i have much more respect for my parents you just kind of grow to respect them its a weird faze i went into.

[singhbmw23]

Im 17 and i was never really on the wrong path but i was getting into trouble for stupid stuff. So my dad sat me down told me whats up if i want to be succesful i need to stay in school and do good. If i wanted to leave i could that was up to me now me and my dad get along better than ever. Everything is good if i were you i would send him to boot camp.

[Memphis1]

My cousin was like that and my uncle basically let him drop out but made him work, up a dawn and home at sunset, (physical labor of course) exhausted from work he had no energy to do anything else, now that he's grown you should see him, kisses my uncle on his forehead when he greets him and responsible as hell. he even brags about how tough his dad was on him. Unfortunately some guys just need tough love to get it thru their heads.

[Kiemyster]

you know what? im not even joking when i say this. Go buy some weed, when he comes home a night, tell him there's something you have needed to tell him for the longest while and it will only take a few minutes. ask him to sit down with you in the living room or somewhere comfy. pull out a joint, and share a smoke with him. tell him your sorry for fighting him his whole life and all you want really is to be able to be friends, and not strangers.

might just work, i know it has in too many situations ahahaha

[silvergray545]

When he turns 18, kick him out of your house. At 18 you are technically no longer legally responsible for him. Let him get a taste of what the real world is like.

[samwoo2go]

well...at least he's not gay

[Seminole]

Originally Posted by samwoo2go

well...at least he's not gay

I'd rather have a son who turned out to be gay and loved me as opposed to one who hated my existence and had a really good chance of ending up in prison.

[McMuffin]

K

Originally Posted by OEMconcept

I was never like this or even close to this with my parents, but this is my advice to you.

He'll only change when he's ready to change. His head isn't there right now. The more you try to change him, the more he's gonna get irritated and rebel. Influence is a big factor in a young persons life, and by over sheltering him when he was younger, it caused him to be easier influenced by others when her grew up. You could try support groups, but many times at that age, it doesn't help the cause. As hard as it may be, you might just have to wait it out until he realizes what he's done.

+1, same here. I can only assume you're not Hispanics because most Hispanic parents discipline their boys by handing them an ass whooping when they start acting up. My dad grew up with really strict parents and my moms parents were strict too, but my mom was daddy's little girl yet she did manage to whoop my ass and set me straight. I honestly think your kid is not gonna listen to you anymore. Have you looked at juvenile boot camps as a method to rehabilitate? Or like someone else mentioned; sending him to a third world country would set his ass straight. Best of luck man!

[MontegoGoGoGo]

Originally Posted by samwoo2go

well...at least he's not Asian

Fixed

[Blake]

Originally Posted by MontegoGoGoGo

Fixed