[TiAg330]

I've recently taken the plunge and am engaged. I've started to notice that the process of selecting a wedding party is extremely political. Obviously there are some key players that must be included (siblings etc.), but what about those "wildcard" positions. You basically have to choose amongst your friends.

My question is this: if one of your friends did not select you to be among his groomsmen, would you choose him to be in your wedding party?

Discuss.

[JayKay335i]

Just pay for the ones that didn't make the cut to get shitty at some strip club the night before. That way they can sit in the back hung over and not care.

[grieverr]

I don't think it should matter whether or not you were chosen to be in someone else's wedding party.
I decided you should either pick the one or two really good friends (a real friend, not just a drinking buddy), or you should exclude whoever's feelings would be hurt the least.

I have friends who'll understand if I say "hey, i would've really liked you in my wedding party, but it would be a nightmare for life if I didn't ask so-and-so".

Or....you can play the financial card and say that you didn't choose someone because you didn't want to put them in the financial bind of renting a tux, and paying for "other wedding related items".

[Couch]

DO NOT do what's suggested about regarding financial reasoning. That will likely offend them more than any other reasons b/c you're knocking them for tough times they're having. It's also saying, you're a really good friend and i value our friendship, but you can't be in my wedding b/c your strapped for cash. Horrible reason to give.

It depends on how your relationship with the friend that didn't choose you for his is and whom were his groomsmen? If it was mostly family and friends he knew longer than you then it's understandable why he chose them.

I've stood in 15+ weddings in my life. I'm not engaged, nor close, but I already know who my groomsmen will be based on the weddings I've stood in. So trust me when I say there will be mild-drama one way or another.

As far as family goes, only chose siblings. Unless you are very close with other relatives. You're bound to offend someone, but most should understand. And if you feel guilty about it explain it to them or find other ways to fit them in somehow at the wedding/reception. You shouldn't feel obligated to do this though.

How many groomsmen are you having? I've been in weddings with such a wide-range?

[TiAg330]

My dilemma is that one of my close friends recently got married and did not have me in his wedding party. Quite frankly I was insulted. To make matters worse, there were 4 groomsmen and 6 bridesmaids, meaning there was a shortfall on his side and he could have selected 2 more people. For the life of me I cannot think of why he left it this way.

Anyway, this guy would make a great groomsmen as he would deliver a spectacular speech but I'm a pretty proud person and I'm going to have to swallow my pride a little to get this to happen. It's as though I'm admitting that I value his friendship more than he values mine or something.

Edit:

I'm an only child so my groomsmen will be all friends (aside from my fiancée's brother) and there will be no "best man" as I can't choose one. If it wasn't for the fact that I want someone to deliver a good speech, I would be like "F it, you didn't pick me, I'm not picking you" as childish as that is. Yeah, I'm a little bitter. :-)

[DrockNJ]

Originally Posted by TiAg330

Edit:

I'm an only child so my groomsmen will be all friends (aside from my fiancée's brother) and there will be no "best man" as I can't choose one. If it wasn't for the fact that I want someone to deliver a good speech, I would be like "F it, you didn't pick me, I'm not picking you" as childish as that is. Yeah, I'm a little bitter. :-)

i'm in this same situation....although i'm not exactly engaged yet but soon will be..i too am an only child and there is no way i can pick a best man out of my 5 really close friends that i'll ask to be my groomsmen...is this a common thing? Does the wifey get a best woman still??

[TiAg330]

Originally Posted by DrockNJ

i'm in this same situation....although i'm not exactly engaged yet but soon will be..i too am an only child and there is no way i can pick a best man out of my 5 really close friends that i'll ask to be my groomsmen...is this a common thing? Does the wifey get a best woman still??

i dont think it's uncommon. i plan to divide the "best man" tasks among my groomsmen. im sure wifey can still do a maid of honour if she wants.

[darkcloud]

I actually did 2 best-men in my wedding. My brother was one. Now when you see that and think why would I have two it is because my brother is 12 years older then me. We only got close once I hit 17-18 y/o, and still didn't hang out so much until he got married when I was 22 and he asked me to be the best man in his wedding, and mainly because he lost touch with many of his friends because of drugs and alcohol(he was since clean but they were not so he had to obviously keep his distance).

Anyways dealing with all that I opted to have 2 bestmen. My bro and bestfriend. They both gave speaches as they could both give different perspectives into our personal relationships, lives, and my relationship with my wife. It was actually pretty cool.

[grieverr]

Originally Posted by Couch

DO NOT do what's suggested about regarding financial reasoning. That will likely offend them more than any other reasons b/c you're knocking them for tough times they're having. It's also saying, you're a really good friend and i value our friendship, but you can't be in my wedding b/c your strapped for cash. Horrible reason to give.

Not necessarily, it all depends on personality. You may be putting someone who doesn't have the financial means on the spot. They will feel obligated to say yes to something they may not be able to swing.
Again, it depends on personality. Some people get offended more easily than others.

OP, at the end of the day, you should choose who you WANT to stand up there with you. Your other friends should understand and should be happy that they get to go to the wedding and enjoy sharing the day with you. Not get into petty arguments of who go to be in the wedding party. They shouldn't use that as a way to validate your friendship.

[NYCGarbagePrince]

Easy solution...


Don't get married...

[Peanuto]

Originally Posted by TiAg330

My dilemma is that one of my close friends recently got married and did not have me in his wedding party. Quite frankly I was insulted. To make matters worse, there were 4 groomsmen and 6 bridesmaids, meaning there was a shortfall on his side and he could have selected 2 more people. For the life of me I cannot think of why he left it this way.

Anyway, this guy would make a great groomsmen as he would deliver a spectacular speech but I'm a pretty proud person and I'm going to have to swallow my pride a little to get this to happen. It's as though I'm admitting that I value his friendship more than he values mine or something.

Edit:

I'm an only child so my groomsmen will be all friends (aside from my fiancée's brother) and there will be no "best man" as I can't choose one. If it wasn't for the fact that I want someone to deliver a good speech, I would be like "F it, you didn't pick me, I'm not picking you" as childish as that is. Yeah, I'm a little bitter. :-)

You never know what is going on behind the scenes coming from the bride or family members about how many numbers on each side, etc. I would try not to take it too personally.

[boymonkey]

Originally Posted by TiAg330

My dilemma is that one of my close friends recently got married and did not have me in his wedding party. Quite frankly I was insulted. To make matters worse, there were 4 groomsmen and 6 bridesmaids, meaning there was a shortfall on his side and he could have selected 2 more people. For the life of me I cannot think of why he left it this way.

Anyway, this guy would make a great groomsmen as he would deliver a spectacular speech but I'm a pretty proud person and I'm going to have to swallow my pride a little to get this to happen. It's as though I'm admitting that I value his friendship more than he values mine or something.

Edit:

I'm an only child so my groomsmen will be all friends (aside from my fiancée's brother) and there will be no "best man" as I can't choose one. If it wasn't for the fact that I want someone to deliver a good speech, I would be like "F it, you didn't pick me, I'm not picking you" as childish as that is. Yeah, I'm a little bitter. :-)

Six sounds like a lot. Maybe there was only supposed to be four but the bride, and you know how crazy women get over these things, ended up saying she had to have six.

I think I'd choose the obvious best buddies, or base it on how long I've known each friend. That way it's pretty obvious not really up to debate.