[bringsmewomen]

In the past, when I date girls, I'd have to be attracted to them. A lot of times, it doesn't work out. Recently, I'm trying to date new people outside of my comfort zone to see what it would be like. So now, I am dating this girl who has a lot going for her... She's an attorney, came from a good background, has good values, and we can talk for a long time. All of this is good obviously. But I'm not initially physically attracted to her. She's not an ugly girl. But just not my usual type.

I think I'm getting to the point where I realize that the physical aspects of someone is a smaller part of someone's persona. Sure, if a girl is smoking hot, you feel great to have her in your presence. But even then, after a period of time passes when you're in a relationship with her, her other attributes set in which become more important. I've had bad luck in relationships with good looking women. They tended to not have anything else huge to contribute. Usually their values weren't so great, or they weren't so smart, or they think because they're hot, they're more entitled to certain things or can get away with a lot more etc. I'm not saying this is all beautiful women, just the ones I've dated. Eventually, when these other factors turn you off, it strains the relationship and the physical part doesn't matter too much anymore. Plus dating a gorgeous girl is largely an ego driven thing. It's like saying "look at me, I can date a hot girl" which is kind of a bad reason to get serious with someone if things aren't wonderful with the person.

It's also possible that the really gorgeous girls are out of my league and they don't take the relationship seriously because they feel like they can always move onto the next. I dunno.

I also figure that someone who tends to be just ok in terms of looks, but is really cool will grow on you and then appear more attractive over time. Perception can change when you really enjoy someone's company I think...

I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Is being attracted to someone initially really important?

[Tondtar]

Dude,

With a handle and sig like that, it's hard to take you seriously. I think you are driving a Beemer for all the wrong reasons.

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by Tondtar

Dude,

With a handle and sig like that, it's hard to take you seriously. I think you are driving a Beemer for all the wrong reasons.

I understand why you would think that. It's just a joke. That's not the type of person I am at all.

[MTV]

lol

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by bringsmewomen

I understand why you would think that. It's just a joke. That's not the type of person I am at all.

I sure hope so. You sound like a nice kid (and I can call you a "kid" because I am older than you .....Errrr ...a lot older,, perhaps! )

So here is my $0.02 : It may sound like a cliche but beauty is really more than skin deep. Not saying having a sexy and attractive GF/ lover/ wife is a bad thing necessarily but one needs to make sure her inner beauty and intelligence matches her outer attributes. If so, then you got a winner.

Having said all that, I much rather be with someone who is not ultra sexy and attractive but is 100% compatible with me in arena of personal communication. Without that, no relationship has a chance to last as beauty and sexual attraction will sure fade or at best becomes "ordinary" and "familiar" after a while. However, intelligence and humor keeps surprising us for a lifetime.

Good luck finding your soul mate ....If you do find her, feel free to put on your flame suit and then post some pics please!

[Joonsup]

pics or ban

[immiketoo]

Originally Posted by joonsup

pics or ban

That's what you get on a male dominated forum! LMAO!

[Seminole]

[Vanity]

Is initial physical attraction important?

For me, the answer is no. From personal experience, I knew this girl a little while back who wasn't that good looking -- didn't really have a nice body/face. But, boy oh boy, talking to her was amazing! I would've jumped the gun but I was interested in this hot girl at the time... ironic huh? Haha

[The J-Man]

I think that physical attraction is important, and if you are the type of person to ask this question, then it will always be important to you. There's nothing wrong with that either. It might take a while, but you will be able to find a higher quality woman that you are attracted to, so don't compromise yet, especially if you're young. You'll just be setting yourself up to waste a few years with a girl that you're never really happy with.

[CIGARGUY]

I'll have to agree with Tondtar. While physical attraction is usually the first thing that grabs our attention, most (not all) of the super attractive women I've dated have turned out to be shallow or have a far greater opinion of themselves than I end up having of them (my wife excluded from this category). Look for compatibility. Obviously, physical attraction has to be there too, but it's not the most important thing. I was just blessed to find a knockout who isn't high maintenence and is the most down to earth girl you could imagine. Yes, I'll include pics.




Her first tandem skydive jump 2 weekends ago.



Her having fun at the MINIs on the Dragon event in '08





Proof that they do exist. Just be patient and take your time. Don't rush into anything and go in with an open mind. The right one will come along when you least expect it.

[BMW F22]

I think the initial attraction is important. Usually I wouldn't approach a girl unless I'm somewhat attracted to her. So in that sense it is important to me. I've chose looks over *whatever else* before and it didn't really work out either. Then again who knows what would have happened if I didn't.

It's funny I'm in the same predicament right now. Met a girl at a party, went together to a wedding, and since then only hung out once. She's fun to talk to and we can carry a conversation for a while. My friends think she's pretty cute. I, however, don't really see it the same way. Someone told me to give it a chance and I did (thus the hanging out). Only thing is that I still am not attracted to her in that way. Maybe I should hang out with her a few more times or maybe I'm just simply not attracted to her. Who knows...

I believe that you have to be both physically and mentally attracted to someone in order for it to really work out. I don't wanna wake up one day and realize she's fugly or that she's dumb as shit. She doesn't have to be a model type or the smartest girl but somewhere in between would be great.

[JayKay335i]

If she doesn't make me hard, it isn't gonna work out.

[graider]

i think you are on the right track op.

personally I would go with the average looking girl with great personality than hot but act like a b1tch.

[Edward]

You can have it all. But it takes luck and time and some investment in your own self to get it all.

You can have the hottest girl in the world, and you'd still eventually find pysically less attractive girls hotter because you'd get bored of her if she can't measure up in the non looks department.

I choose girls based on a healthy mix of intelligence, looks, and similar goals/mindset. Just like applications for schools, no single criteria can carry another lagging area.

Lately I've started to completely disregard girls if they aren't very smart to begin with. I'd marry a dorky but cute chick with brains all day long before a dropdead gorgeous wactress (waiter/actress).

[TK-421]

I had a long term relationship that went fantastic but unfortunately had to end because of certain circumstances that were out of our control. Initially we weren't physically attracted to each other but talked a lot and a mutual attraction between us as people started to build up. So, to your original question, I'd say a strong "No."

[kyleb350]

OP, you would just have to practice your skills at looking at hotter chicks w/o the gf noticing.

[Joonsup]

A few years ago my friend introduced me to this girl whom my friend had known for a long time. My friend already had a girlfriend, so he was trying to hook me up.

This girl had a great personality, very kind, and she was what some would say "wifey material". She had a good job as well and a good education. The only thing was that although she wasn't ugly or overweight, I simply was not physically attracted to her.

I still gave it a shot b/c in the end it's not the looks that makes a relationship last, so we dated for a few months, hoping that I could overlook the lack of physical attraction I had for her, but I never could. It's unfortunate, but that's how it was. In the end I was honest with her and we stopped seeing each other. Did I feel bad? Of course I did. But I felt like I wasn't going to be able to get past that part.

So I personally believe the physical attraction is important in the beginning. That doesn't mean that everyone should go after some hot supermodel type of girls, but someone that the person is attracted to. It's subjective b/c a lot of people have different tastes as to what they consider "attractive".

[M_Six]

Physical attraction and beauty can be two entirely different things. I've seen gorgeous women who did nothing for me as far as attraction. Then I've seen less stunning women who attract me like iron to a magnet. The key is the attraction. Passion is important in any dating/marriage relationship and if you're not attracted to a woman and can't get passionate with her, then there isn't a lot of long-term hope. Being good friends with your SO is vital, but without the passion, all you are is good friends.

EDIT: Just saw joonsup's post above mine. What he said. ^^^^

[xtac]

Originally Posted by joonsup

A few years ago my friend introduced me to this girl whom my friend had known for a long time. My friend already had a girlfriend, so he was trying to hook me up.

This girl had a great personality, very kind, and she was what some would say "wifey material". She had a good job as well and a good education. The only thing was that although she wasn't ugly or overweight, I simply was not physically attracted to her.

I still gave it a shot b/c in the end it's not the looks that makes a relationship last, so we dated for a few months, hoping that I could overlook the lack of physical attraction I had for her, but I never could. It's unfortunate, but that's how it was. In the end I was honest with her and we stopped seeing each other. Did I feel bad? Of course I did. But I felt like I wasn't going to be able to get past that part.

So I personally believe the physical attraction is important in the beginning. That doesn't mean that everyone should go after some hot supermodel type of girls, but someone that the person is attracted to. It's subjective b/c a lot of people have different tastes as to what they consider "attractive".

What did you say to her after few months? That must have been heart breaking.

[MontegoGoGoGo]

kinda , but still kinda on topic...

something i noticed recently - as all of my friends are settling down, getting married, having kids etc. is that only 3-4 (out of 14 or so) married a "hot" guy. This is a group of women, who, when we were girls, were snobby little bitches who almost no guy was good enough or hot enough for. Each guy got picked apart for every physical flaw, or for wearing the wrong shoes, etc.

anyway, it just really struck me as interesting. i guess as you get older, priorities change, or maybe you start to realize what's REALLY important.

i was pretty wild, dating a lot of different women, "partying" etc. when I met my wife at 19. our chemistry and physical attraction was ridiculous! but there was more to it, i knew it right away. it was literally like BAM, i was in love. completely changed and settled down. i knew i was going to spend the rest of my life with her the second i saw her. true story. i definitely believe in love at first sight! we just celebrated our 10 year anniversary in august.

[NYCGarbagePrince]

When i was 16 my uncle and I were sitting on the beach checking out girls. This absolute 10 walks by and he says, "You like that?" I said, "Of course, don't you?" He said something I will never forget, "For every girl that looks like that, there is a guy out there who is sick and tired of her..."